Poll Questions Display American citizens United via Deep Divisions – HumorOutcasts.com


ARLINGTON, Virginia.  A survey of state-wide poll questions voted on the day gone by finds a country deeply divided via partisan variations that nevertheless unite other people with commonplace viewpoints, or one thing like that.

Tatum:  “It’s a must to ‘stay it easy, silly,’ with out letting other people know you assume they’re silly.”

“The measures that handed tended to be quite simple statements of bedrock rules,” stated George Mason College political scientist Gerald Tatum, “or else other people ganging up on an unpopular minority.”

“Right here comes a man with Mass. plates now.”

In Vermont, electorate authorized a $14 million tax on a unmarried package deal of cigarettes, sufficient to near that state’s projected finances deficit.  “All we were given to do is promote one pack to a couple hedge fund man from New York or Massachusetts riding via in his Lexus, and we’ll be capable of pave a large number of state roads,” stated Lyle Hampton, state Freeway Commissioner.

Here’s a rundown of projects in different states:

Porkepyn red meat despyne.

Tennessee: Citizens rejected a ban on “porcupine racing,” the apply of hanging two are living individuals of this spiny species of rodent in a laundromat dryer, throwing in a sheet of ”Leap” material softener, environment the timer for twenty mins and pushing “get started.”  “In case your porcupine survives, you win,” says State Fish and Sport Warden Oliver Crawford.  “It’ll pop out fluffier as properly, even if there could also be guts caught within the lint entice for the following buyer.”

Leap:  Provides softness to even the hardest spinous hog.

Wyoming: A broad-based coalition of public coverage teams and church buildings succeeded in passing a measure requiring necessary condom use via all funeral house staff.  “Whilst maximum of our mortuary scientists have an attractive blank file in the case of necrophilia, it’s the 95% who’re dangerous apples that wreck it for the great guys,” stated State Division of Well being Secretary Ronald Golson.  “The very last thing you wish to have is for a cherished one to develop into pregnant after their medical insurance has run out on account of demise.”

Power-through funeral house:  What’s the frenzy?

Michigan:  An initiative petition right here would require heterosexual {couples} to make use of homosexual wedding ceremony planners.  “Your hard-core left-wing varieties assume they are able to cram this sort of social engineering down the throats of fine, hard-working other people,” says Marriage Should Imply One thing spokesman Charles “Good friend” 1st viscount montgomery of alamein, who promised a referendum power to repeal the regulation.

“That doesn’t seem like Marilyn Sue at the proper.”

“I for one am now not going to face idly via whilst my daughter has to rent some fruitcake who’s going to speak her into a gloomy chocolate wedding ceremony cake.”  The measure is anticipated to move however some absentee ballots had been challenged as a result of they got here again scented.

Ohio: This state voted to tax out-of-state fanatics who attend Ohio State soccer video games.  “Some other people take a look at the arena the way in which it’s and ask ‘Why?’” stated Earl Bucholtz, Commissioner of Earnings.  “I take a look at all them Michigan fanatics traipsing via this state and say–’What the hell?’”  The State of Michigan has challenged the brand new regulation via submitting an enchantment to the Nationwide Collegiate Athletic Affiliation.

California:  A regulation banning plastic-stemmed cotton swabs handed overwhelmingly after a photograph of a seahorse dragging house one of the most ubiquitous client pieces went “viral” on the web, now not as a virulent disease consistent with se.  Pharmacists and well being care pros will search its repeal.  “I for one don’t care what sort of beauty and health aids a small marine fish makes use of,” says Emil Nostrand, who works the night time shift filling prescriptions on the San Dorito CVS.  “And neither will have to you.”

Massachusetts:  A regulation that will legalize the ownership of psychedelic medicine via the terminally well-organized used to be nonetheless too just about name on this liberal Northeastern state.  “We made the well being argument that it’ll assist ladies who alphabetize their spices or save their receipts for 6 years to keep in mind that now not the whole thing must be as an alternative,” stated petition power organizer Mark Warden.  “In reality, has anyone noticed my automotive keys?”  Warden says he’s relying on late-counted absentee ballots to place his invoice excessive.  “You’ll get an absentee poll in case you’re absent-minded, proper?”



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