I don’t actually know my son’s father. We met at a celebration and I don’t keep in mind a lot else. Quick ahead, our son, Ian, is 4. (We had a DNA take a look at.) Each of our lives are actually very totally different — he’s married with one other youngster. I’m a single mom. You at all times discuss downside fixing and co-parenting. How do you problem-solve and co-parent with somebody you don’t actually know? What’s good ex-etiquette?
Though not figuring out your co-parent looks as if an enormous impediment, figuring out somebody previous to having a toddler doesn’t assure clean crusing.
The most important crimson flag I see is that you simply and your son’s father have had 4 years to enhance your communication, and also you’ve performed nothing about it. When you don’t have any commonalities, no historical past, don’t know one another’s likes or dislikes or temperament, how do you attain out?
There’s a sensible mannequin for problem-solving when you may’t get together with somebody. You strategy it like a enterprise relationship.
Fake you and your son’s dad are each CEOs of the identical firm and it’s a must to decide or else the corporate will go bankrupt. You have got an concept to maintain the corporate afloat and also you want your co-CEO on board.
You begin out by calling a gathering. You do your analysis so if there are any questions, you may reply with info, not emotion. You sit down collectively and talk about the professionals and cons with the purpose being an settlement to maintain the corporate wholesome. You retain the welfare of the corporate within the forefront throughout your discussions and make your choices accordingly. As you’re employed collectively, it will get simpler. You begin to look to one another for assist since you each need your organization to flourish.
When you’re problem-solving, you each should agree on some fundamental behaviors or floor guidelines. Keep in mind these Ten Guidelines of Good Ex-etiquette?
This problem-solving mannequin depends on a mutual curiosity — a wholesome firm. Your mutual curiosity is 4 years previous. His identify is Ian. Get to work. That’s good ex-etiquette.
Dr. Jann Blackstone is the creator of “Ex-etiquette for Mother and father: Good Habits After Divorce or Separation,” and the founding father of Bonus Households, bonusfamilies.com.
— Tribune Information Service